Dear South Australian MPs and sex worker allies

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brothels, clients, consent, councils, decriminalisation, discrimination, feminism, law reform, laws, licensing, mandatory testing, Melbourne, nursing homes, personal stories, Queensland, rants, regulation, safe sex, sex industry, Sex Work, south australia, stigma, street workers, the boss

Dear Ms. Key, Ms. Gago, members of the South Australian parliament, people with influence and anyone following the latest attempt at sex industry law reform in this once progressive but now somewhat stale state.

Please stop it! You’re making it worse!

You may think you’re doing the right thing but The bill you’re debating has been cut and paste so much in order to appease and play politics that what remains is not workable or fair and will not improve the lives of sex workers or anyone else. It’s not a game of bluff, nor is it a matter of compromise. The bill you are considering is a big step backward.

This is ridiculous. Why are politicians sitting around and deciding how sex workers should best practice safe sex. Why should they be able to criminalise some consensual sex acts between adults just because there is payment involved? Why do they get a say on how adults are allowed to negotiate sex and money. And why do we need to be kept 500 meters away from schools? Is it me who is the danger to children and does that include my own children? Or is it my client who is the dangerous monster? What is it about paying an adult for a sexual service that you think has anything to do with kids at school? What exactly are you scared of? And we’re not talking about inappropriate signage or amenities, because that is covered by different laws. And frankly, sex workers and our clients are generally discreet. You don’t even know that I’m selling sex from my home right next door to yours! And why is no sex work allowed near churches? Who is that clause designed to protect anyway? And why bother even worrying about schools and churches when the bill gives all the power for approving any kind of sex industry business to the councils, who have made it clear that they will never support brothels! So even if I tried to comply with this new law and secured a suitable location and put in a planning application, it’s going to be rejected on moral grounds and I will be back to square one. In reality councils will have about as much luck of stopping sex work from occurring as they do now. And just like now, most will be sex industry businesses will be forced to remain unregulated and underground.

And why is it anyone else’s business who I entertain in my own home or how they compensate me? Can you see through walls? And what’s the deal with all the hate on sex workers who solicit in public places? What exactly is so offensive about a woman standing on the street at night time anyway? And I don’t believe that she is propositioning your children, because it’s unlikely your children could afford it. Personally I feel more uncomfortable walking past a building site in the broad daylight than I do going to the pizza shop on Hanson Road.

And why should we have to deal with police on regular basis. I have had a lot of different jobs in my time, and never did the police come and check to see if I was bending at the knees when lifting nursing home residents, or displaying a slippery when wet sign when I mopped the floors of woollies. Why are we still being treated like this? Sex workers are not criminals. Stop making us into them. In some states of Australia it is illegal to discriminate against sex workers but the bill you are debating is discriminatory. It treats sex workers differently to other workers in comparable industries and it discriminates against different ways working in the sex industry. But even less forgivably, it will make our lives harder, not better.

Yes it’s true that most sex work in South Australia is currently criminalised. And that most of us already dodge laws, deal with police, and work underground. It is true that our laws are the oldest in the country. But please don’t change them just for the sake of it. Do not change them unless you are changing them for the better. Sex workers know what we need, its decriminalisation. Every credible report from the last 10 years names decriminalisation as the only model that will promote sex workers health and safety. Every state and Territory in Australia has a different model of regulation for the sex industry and if you need any more proof that the only workable model we know of to date is decriminalisation, all you have to do is speak to sex workers about our experiences of working across Australia. NSW and NZ have successfully decriminalised sex work for more than a decade. In those places sex workers are not criminals. We have full access to all the services and structures, protections and rights that every other worker does, and employers have the same obligations as any other employer. Sex workers all over the world are begging for decriminalisation. Its not rocket science.

In stark contrast Victoria and Queensland have different versions of licensing mixed with criminal laws that govern various aspects of the industry. Special bodies have been set up to monitor the laws and the police are still heavily involved in regulating sex workers work spaces. Not only have those laws been ineffective but they have also been expensive and dangerous.

When I went to Victoria to work I had very little option but to work in a brothel for a boss under their rules. I wasn’t able to work for myself because the only way I could advertise was to first register myself as a prostitute with the government. This process is expensive and it is unclear who has access to those licensing records or if it is possible to get your name removed from the list. Even if I was willing to buy a licence and register, I would still not have been allowed to have the clients visit me in my hotel or home. The law states that I was only allowed to visit them at their home or hotel. So I worked for a brothel. But before I was allowed to work, I was first forced to have a full medical examination, as is the law. The nurse visited me at the brothel and took swabs while I lay in an undignified way on the brothel bed. The nurse insisted I needed an anal swab too, even though I objected and told her that I did not provide anal services to my clients. But unlike when my clients ask for this service, this nurse was not going to take no for an answer and she unconsentually and unnecessarily stuck her swab in my ass.

If I didn’t want to work for a boss in brothel conditions and I wasn’t in a position to register myself with the local authorities, my only option was to solicit publicly. Street based sex work is illegal in Victoria, but obviously still exists and in larger proportions than here in Adelaide. Victorian police have taken to dealing with this by placing female police officers posing as sex workers on the streets in order to bust potential clients. What criminalising our client’s means is that sex workers are pushed further underground in order to ensure their clients safety and the booking. It means the possibility that only the clients with nothing to loose will be willing to take the risk of visiting sex workers who publicly solicit. Essentially it decreases the amount of “respectable” clients willing to see street based sex workers and leaves us more vulnerable and fewer options.

Another huge slap in the face was working recently in  QLD. I worked alone from a hotel which is legal as long I work completely alone. Not even with a friend. This is obviously not ideal, but it’s workable. Until I found out that I also can’t work in same hotel as any other sex worker. I can’t do doubles with another worker unless the client organises it. Infact I cant even have any friends who are sex workers. I was told to be careful even having lunch with another worker whilst answering my work phone. It felt crazy. I got the distinct feeling that I was viewed as a piece of property by QLD government. As a sex worker in QLD I must belong to one of the only 25 government approved registered brothels in the state or I must completely exile myself from the rest of the industry. I must rely only on my clients or my employer for support. And on top of all this, they have entire sections of the police force dedicated to ringing up private workers and trying to convince them to offer a double service or a blow job without a condom, so that they can bust them. All in the name of protecting sex workers.

And then I come home to Adelaide where the old and unworkable laws are……. well, old and unworkable. I can advertise and work for myself in ways that I choose with minimal difficulty. I can work with friends as a collective, I can work from home, I can work for a boss or opportunistically. Its all equally illegal, and easy to remain anonymous, unless I’m a victim of crime and need police assistance, or unless I’m working in a brothel that police have singled out for a raid, or unless I don’t know my rights, or unless I haven’t yet learnt the police evasion strategies. Our current laws are bad, but the new laws being proposed will only make our lives harder. They won’t work and rather than address community concerns they will highlight them. The issue of sex work regulation will not be resolved until we get sensible fair and workable law reform.

We already have sophisticated systems to deal with all areas of work, industry, OH&S, public health, zoning, amenities, child protection, industrial rights and any other areas of concern. Stop with the politics and just let us access them already.

Stop the Trafic – The Red Light

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brothels, consent, discrimination, feminism, laws, money, rants, sex industry, Sex Work, south australia, stigma, the boss, unions, work, workers rights

This is part three in my series of posts about trafficking. I previously wrote about my suspicions in regards to the portrayal of sex trafficking in the media, and the motivations of the anti trafficking industry in Peak Hour, and the negative outcomes of the trafficking hysteria in The Car Crash. This post is the answer. A green light for migrant sex workers and a red light for trafficking.

If you follow on from my original post the answer seems really obvious to me. There are many sex workers all around the world who travel or would like to travel. Just let them do it.

Let people apply for working Visa’s in Australia as a sex worker. As I have mentioned, I personally have the contact details of at least 10 sex workers currently working in China who would love to come to Australia to work in your brothel, if they could get a Visa. The barrier is that they are unable to get a working Visa as a sex worker. Not to mention the process of applying for Visa’s to enter Australia is extremely difficult because we conveniently do not translate the required documents, so people who do not speak or read English, often need a third person to help them apply for their travel documents. Some of the sex workers I referred to have considered paying a third person a lot of money to assist them in travelling to Australia to work, and some knew other workers who had done that. Obviously being in a lot of debt to the person assisting you travel or your employer does create vulnerabilities for the worker though, it can take away a some of their bargaining power and in some cases could restrict the sex workers choices.  A few simple changes could allow sex workers from around the world to come to Australia willingly to work. There would be no demand for stolen or coerced non sex working Asian women in the sex industry, because lets face it while having sex slaves in place of willing workers might be slightly better for short term profits, it has got to create some serious challenges. Cut out the middle man and the demand by allowing migrant sex workers to enter and work in Australia legally and independently.

That is ofcourse if your concern is stopping trafficking, and not stopping sex work.

It might also be useful to educate all sex workers, our employers, our clients and the general community about our rights, in appropriate and useful ways. Through our peer organisations and that are supported to make sure they can outreach to all sex workers from all backgrounds making sure people know their rights. Make sure we all know what we should expect and what is not OK at work so that we are less likely to be exploited or treated badly and we know what to do or who we can get more information or support from if we do have problems at work.

Of course, where I live in South Australia that would mean giving us some rights in the first place. Decriminalise sex work, and give us our rights!

Educate the wider community, health and welfare services and the police to treat sex workers with respect. Help break down the stigma of being or seeing a sex worker, so that we can talk to people about what’s going on without fear of being judged. The discriminatory perceptions that exist about sex workers and our clients doesn’t make it easy for us to share anything openly or honestly, or to voice our concerns.

Take crimes against us seriously. Dont turn it into a witch hunt on an entire industry, or blame my choice of work, just give me the support I need and deal with the crime at hand. Create safe spaces for people to report crimes, concerns or suspicions and then treat those reports seriously, and respectfully, like you would if the crime or complaint had been committed in a restaurant.

Encourage and  support our organising. In Australia, we havent got our own union, but we have our own workers rights groups and organisations. Many sex workers are members of those organisations and many many many more sex workers receive support, information or advocacy around workplace issues from these groups and organisations. They are also fighting for our workers rights at a state and national level. Strong sex worker organising reduces the risks of us being exploited at work.

Stop the police raids. Stop pushing us and our workplaces, industry, employers and clients so far underground that we can barely see the light. Change the approach and try protecting sex workers instead of scaring us. Save the raids for actual crimes.

Is it really that difficult? Want to stop slavery? Free the slaves.

Seriously, allow sex workers to travel to Australia and work in the sex industry legally, educate them on how to do that, give us rights, make sure we know our rights, create safe and supportive spaces for us or our clients to report crimes or concerns or to make complaints, treat those reports with respect and take them seriously, stop thinking and suggesting that being treated badly is part of doing sex work, support us to organise to improve our work conditions for all sex workers and make the cops protect us instead or raiding us.

Stop the traffic – the car crash

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consent, discrimination, feminism, laws, Melbourne, money, rants, sex industry, sex trafficking, Sex Work, south australia, stigma

Like the car crash you can’t look away from….

I explained my suspicion of the anti trafficking rhetoric and I promised I wouldn’t leave it there. I want to tell you about the harms being created by the trafficking hysteria because the problem is not only misinformation and preconceived stereotypes, it has actual detrimental real and measurable effects on the daily lives of sex workers, Asian sex workers in particular. Get a load of this:

Knee jerk reactions to the 4 corners one sided story on trafficking in the sex industry resulted in immediate promises from law makers to introduce tougher laws. The four corners ‘expose’ relied on one sad story, lots of bad recreations, the occasional sound bite from experts only where it backed up the ongoing spin and ofcourse sex work abolitionist and founder of project respect, Kathleen Maltzhern. All set to a predictably dark and sinister soundtrack. Well done 4 Corners  award, you certainly got people to bite. even before airing of the show and still continuing media are all over it, opportunists using it and the politicians responded.

Now specifically and admittedly in response to 4 corners sensationalism New South Wales is likely to “toughen up laws on brothels”. NSW has the best laws in the country, and just like that it’s going to be taken away. And WA have just introduced a bill into parliament that among other shockers, criminalises ALL migrant sex workers. Even if you don’t share my opinion about the lack of actual trafficking in our industry, surely you understand that bad laws are not the answer. We already have laws about trafficking, how about we use them rather than making more and more laws that only serve to push us all further underground and make it more difficult for all of us in every way and do not work. Awesome 4 corners is now creating our public policy.

And in states like South Australia, where we are all illegal anyway, it means Asian brothels get raided more often. elping the sex slaves by regularly arresting, harassing and intimidating Asian sex workers, their employers and their clients more than usual. Despite all the hundreds of sex work related charges laid each year, there are very few cases of trafficking ever found. And the few cases where victims of trafficking have been identified, criminalisation did not or would not have helped them. And in some cases victims were not treated appropriately by the cops.

Not only are sex workers generally feeling the effects of harmful laws, and Asian sex workers get more attention from the police, but, our saviours come out of the woodwork, ready to sniff out the sex slave and try out their scriptures or skills. What this means for us? More patronising visits from various health services, church groups or any other outsiders forcing themselves into our workspaces and being inappropriate. In Adelaide, it’s RAHAB. A church group who run a ministry training course charging young Christians good money to do outreach to sex workers. These people visit Asian brothels (among other parts of the industry), forcing themselves onto people while they are at work, often with nothing translated, nothing practical to offer and asking personal questions. Sex workers feel pressured to play along and be friendly because there is a suspicion that they will inform the police if they are not allowed in to a particular premises (on the presumption that we must be harbouring slaves). No one in the industry wants to talk to them, they are untrained and inexperienced christians who say completely offensive things and give us patronising bars of soap and deodorant sticks as bribes. They have even been known to break the conidentiality of one Chinese woman in a serious and kind of shocking way.

Not that publicly outing someone matters when you’re intent on saving a sex slave. People and their lives are just vehicles for furthering an agenda in most cases. Victoria’s Project respect, headed up by the afore-mentioned Kathleen Maltzhern whose agender shone through the 4 corners special, was trading on the misery. Sure enough no sooner had the show finished but there were calls for donations to her organisation everywhere. As mentioned in my previous post on the subject, everyone jumped on board ready to ride the wave, all hoping to get some air time, or some funding or public support. From big sex industry business associations wanting to minimise competition to abolitionist feminists and church groups. And they are all getting the airtime and using it to make things worse while groups that actually represent us desperately need the same support.

And I suggest a lot of the willingness to believe the hype is due to a touch of racism effecting people’s views of Asian women and preconceived ideas about sex work generally. Add that to some sad music and some recreations and the proble seems likely. And so it feeds your views of sex workers and Asian women further. It’s a vicious cycle. I once heard a woman who did outreach with a church based group speak at (one of the many) anti trafficking forums. She told a story about the night she saw trafficking with her own eyes in a South Australian brothel. It was late one night and she said she couldn’t really know for sure if “lets call her Lucy” (her words not mine) was trafficked or not, but it seemed probable for the following reasons (explained in a sad knowing kind of way):

1. “Lucy” didn’t engage at all with the christian outreach worker but sat quietly in the corner listening, with a “sad look on her face”

2. “Lucy” didn’t speak English

3. “Lucy’s” Thai boss spoke English and chatted with the church outreach woman and explained how “Lucy” lives in Melbourne and is only in Adelaide for 2 weeks and will be going home soon.

4. The Thai female boss had a white Australian boyfriend who likes to travel.

That was it.

She told this story to a room full of other keen would be “helpers” and interested public who didn’t seem to bat an eyelid. I shudder to think what urban myths that presumptuous story has now created, and the effects of that story being recreated over dinner tables everywhere.

Can i just mention as a side note, that the constant portrayal of Asian women and sex workers as submissive, exploited and/or abused, is not good for business. It keeps the good clients away and attracts the creeps!

It’s like – what do you want from us?! No one is listening unless we give them victim porn! Reading the accounts by Nicholas Kristof in this awful book (that was a best seller but I had to abandon half way through) about buying the freedom of young sex workers in places like India and Thailand, and he spends an uncomfortable amount of time describing her physical features and her sad brown eyes, before going on to gloat about his own saint like characteristics. JUST PAY HER AND LEAVE HER ALONE ALREADY NICHOLAS!! And you lot just eat it up. Salivate for it even. White saviours rescuing pretty young sex slaves and returning them to innocence. To the point that for some people to believe me,  i first need to break down and disclose any traumatic experience i may have had right there in front of you. Before you even hear me! Here – Elena says it better than me.

*End rant*

(Stick with me on this, I am getting to the friendly bits where I hand out all the answers)

sex work 101

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brothels, clients, consent, disability, discrimination, friends and family, laws, Love, money, nursing, parenting, personal stories, rants, Relationships, safe sex, sex industry, Sex Work, sexuality, single mothers, south australia, stigma, the boss

Your beginners course in understanding my work. Written in the interests of answering the common questions and misconceptions and saving sex workers from having to deliver a sex work 101 class to every person they disclose to.

1. I have good sexual health. I know this because I get tested. I get tested twice a year and more if there have been any risks. Some workers go more often. I use condoms for oral and full sex, i do visual checks on my clients for STI’s, I use lots of lube and have access to a variety of sizes in condoms, I know my condoms are in date and stored properly, I put it on, I take it off, i regularly check the condom during sex to make sure it is in tact and in place and for all of these reasons, I rarely have a condom break or slip. I also use condoms on toys and on  fingers if they are to be inserted anywhere. Sex workers in this country are known to have better sexual health than the general public. We are professional about our sexual health.

2. Being raped or assaulted is not a part of my job. I have never been raped or hit during my sex wok job. When it happens to a sex worker it must be taken seriously and dealt with appropriately, not written off an inevitable part of the industry.

3. My clients come from all walks of life. There is no typical client. As long as they are clean and respectful, then I am happy to provide them a service. If they are not clean, I don’t mind waiting while they take a shower.

4. There is no typical sex worker, I know sex workers of all ages, I have a friend in her late 60’s and I know of even older. Fat or thin, tall or short, everyone can make money in the sex industry.

5. The sex I have at work is work. For me it is not comparable to the sex I have for pleasure or with a partner. That doesn’t mean I never enjoy it. Compare it to working in a childcare centre looking after other people’s kids all day, i might enjoy it and I might like those kids but it is very different to how feel when i care for my own child. It is just a service, an intimate service yes, but there are many jobs where people provide intimate services for money, such as childcare.

6. I’ve been known to partake in a recreational drug here and there but I do not have a drug habit to support, and I do not need to be wasted to work. Drug use is a characteristic of our industry, in that it’s slightly more accepted in some (not all – many try to distance themselves) workplaces. If drug use itself is higher in the sex industry than in other industries (say for example the nursing sector) then I offer the following explanations: Firstly,obviously the money in sex work is better. If you have a drug addiction to support or if your vice of choice is expensive, sex work is an attractive financial option. This is also true for big gamblers, shoppers, travellers, spenders, and those in debt. Secondly the flexibility of sex work makes it an attractive work option for those who don’t fit neatly into the mon to fri 9- 5, stay in your box and conform-or-else,  type jobs. What I mean is, as a sex worker you can work for yourself, you can work for boss, you can work a few hours or you can work a few days solid, you can work regularly or on and off, you can call in sick all the time and still have a job. This means that people who need some extra money to score today, and the people who can’t get stable work because their life is not stable, or those people who can’t work long shifts because they need to self medicate, or people who get sacked from ‘straight’ workplaces because they were found out for using their sick leave to detox, still have a job option. I’m not using this post to weigh in on the ‘drugs are bad mmmkay’ debate, but I will say, people who use drugs either recreationally or habitually, can and are, and should be encouraged to be productive members of our communities, and it is up to everyone to make that possible. The sex industry has managed to make that possible and I think that is why drug use is more visible in our industry.

7. I personally do not have a mental health diagnosis. I think that makes me the opposite of normal these days. My point is, you don’t have to be damaged or deluded to exchange sex for money. Getting paid for sex also doesn’t cause Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, depression or any other label. What can cause a whole array of mental health problems is ongoing stigma and discrimination, harassment, criminalisation and all its associated issues, unsafe workplaces, isolation, and any other number of life experiences and chemical reactions. There is nothing inherently damaging either physically, emotionally or mentally about getting paid for sex, though there are often factors associated with sex work that can cloud our experiences. And many sex workers do live with a mental illness and I doubt it is over represented in our industry. But like drugs, i think it is more accepted in our industry and the flexibility means that people with health considerations can find suitable work in the flexible sex industry, allowing them to manage their health and stay gainfully employed. Again, I think rather than giving our industry a hard time, other industries should be taking note. Stop with the exit strategies for sex workers,  how about “entering strategies” rolled out to the employers whose work conditions are so rigid ensuring they are not accessible to people with caring responsibilities, with health considerations and disabilities, or to people who use drugs, older people, people with less English skills, or students, people with gaps in their resume’s and people with criminal records, or to people who need extra help or people who just want some control of their own working lives. These are the benefits of the sex industry, not the negatives.

8. There are no Madame’s and Pimps. OK, well there are female brothel owners and we do call them Madame’s, but they are really just an employer. They don’t generally have any other special role in our lives, just like any employer and employee relationship.  And there are boyfriends/partners, drivers, drug dealers and runners, security and bosses. And maybe in other countries they are called pimps, but not in Australia. There people in abusive relationships who are being pressured to work when they don’t want to on in ways they don’t want to. But that is domestic violence, not pimping. The reality in Adelaide is that there are lots of brothels and lots of bosses, some are good and some are bad but there is even more sex workers who work for themselves or in small collectives who have total control.

9. Yes the money is good, but not ridiculous. It used to be much better but an increase in the industry and a decrease in disposable income has meant it is not the gold mine i once felt like (or maybe I’m jut getting older 😉 ). Adelaide sex workers are among the cheapest sex workers in Australia. A mixture of different services offered by different workers, no labour rights or baseline wages in force, competitive market and vastly varying overheads make it difficult to negotiate pay rises across the industry or individually. When I first started sex work 20 years ago the average rate for an hour ‘fully inclusive’ session in a Adelaide brothel was $110 – 160 and about 5 years ago we had our first big price hike and now the going rate is about $160 – $240 for an hour. The sex worker generally gets about 50 – 60%. Keep in mind that most brothels also offer half hour or shorter services (I once worked in a brothel where I got paid $25 fr a quick fuck! needless to say I didn’t stay there long)and will provide discounts for longer bookings, some take shift fees or other cuts, and many sex workers offer ‘extras’ for extra cost or provide a different service for a different cost, private workers set their own prices based on overheads, services, commercial factors and their style of doing business. Give or take a few tips and noshows and there is no way I could give you any kind of average earning.  I can tell you that if I work for an 8 hour shift in a brothel I would expect to earn between $200 and $500 but depending on the business, the time of day/year, the number of workers on shift, the price of service and cut I got, and a massive range of other factors, including luck, it would not be unusual for a sex worker in Adelaide to leave an 8 hour shift with anywhere between zero and thousands.

10. I currently do pay tax on my sex work income. I have to if I want to participate in the world of house and car loans, or any other significant financial transactions. I haven’t always paid tax on my sex work income because I feel it is unfair to take my tax money but afford me no rights in return. Infact the opposite, I pay tax on my income but my assets can be confiscated as ‘proceeds of crime’, my cash could have me charged with ‘illegal possession’, my business could be closed down at any point and my livelihood gone, without compensation, my health and home and professional insurance is not valid due to my illegal activity. But regardless of any of that, if I want to spend my money, I have to declare it. And many other sex workers and sex industry businesses are in the same boat. The glaring contradiction comes from the fact that a) The Australian Tax Office doesn’t care how you make your money as long as you pay tax on it, in one of their staffers words ‘even a hit man can declare their income and claim their expenses’ and b) Australia’s tax system is a national system and our sex work laws are state based and every other state has some form of legal sex work. Now ofcourse, being a cash based industry, I’m sure not every cent is declared, and being very good at evading authority and remaining undetected, I’m sure not all brothels are paying tax, and why should they until their business’s are deemed legitimate. But the truth is that three things in life are inevitable – your born, you pay taxes and you die.

Stop the Traffic! Peak Hour…

Tags

clients, consent, discrimination, false consciousness, fantasy, feminism, friends and family, laws, money, rants, sex industry, Sex Work, south australia, stigma, the boss, trafficking

Hot topic of the moment – human trafficking. Not to be confused with people smuggling. But feel free to mix it up with sex work and migrant workers, or just Asian women generally. There’s been a lot of media about the problem, politicians are discussing it, feminist and church groups are concerned about it and 4 corners is exposing it. Well I’m calling bullshit and here’s why!

I’ve worked in nearly every brothel in Adelaide for many years and I’ve never worked with anyone or met anyone who has  worked with someone who was being forced into it. If I or anyone I knew, ever worked with someone who was there against their will, we would call the cops.

It makes sense that sex workers would care the most about this sort of thing. If it’s happening, it’s happening in our industry, to our colleagues, in our workplaces, by our bosses and with our clients. Of course we would know and ofcourse we wouldn’t do nothing while this happened to us or our colleagues!

Maybe we don’t know about these sex slaves in our own industry. Maybe they are not in the brothels that I work at, or anyone I know has worked at, but in some secret dark and unknown brothel that no one knows about. Well there are still some people who would need to know about it – the clients.

I’ve seen a lot of clients in my time and I have had a lot of requests. Clients generally seem to prefer workers who want to be there, or are at least very good at pretending they enjoy their job. Most of my clients ask to kiss and cuddle not to have me sad and broken. 

Our clients are not demons. They are just clients. If you went to a restaurant do you want to be served by someone who is being forced to work against their will under awful conditions, or do you prefer to think your waiter is treated well and therefore treats you well? I have faith that there is more business in happy hookers than there is in Asian sex slaves. Not to say that there isn’t any money in Asian sex slaves, but happy hookers can play that character if required.

I have worked in Asian brothels. I worked for 12 months in a brothel that was run by a Chinese sex worker and had many workers, mainly Thai, Chinese, Vietnamese and Korean. These women were not your stereotype victim. They were very often strong, clever, motivated women who worked hard to provide for themselves and often their family. They were also very good business women, who knew how to manipulate the industry to bring in the maximum profit.

That includes playing up to your stereotype, if that’s what will make them money. We all do it. Find our niche and work it. I loved listening to the workers play up their soft accents or act out the submissive Asian girl character for the sake of taking his money. Just like most of us hookers, they knew how to be a mattress actress, while skilfully and assertively negotiating their terms and providing their service without ever breaking character. Until the client leaves. And then its back to loudly laughing and teasing each other, cooking the whole place a feast or yelling down the phone to their family and friends.

And these workers know how to make money.

There are a few well-known cases of rich old white men roaming around South East Asia or poorer parts of India trying save the prostitutes by “buying their freedom” from the brothel that has captured them. In many of these cases the newly freed victim returns to the brothel of their own accord and it’s usually blamed on drug addiction, inability to cope in outside world or economic necessity. But it makes me wonder because I can totally picture a sex worker in a Thailand brothel meeting one of these geezers while they are on shift, he starts talking about buying her freedom and the $$ flashes above his head. She goes down to the boss and says something like “it’s another one of those knight in shining armour fantasies again, I reckon he’s rich, lets tell him its US$5000 to buy my freedom”. She goes back to his hotel with him and tells him sad stories, he then takes her “home to her village” before he trots off to write his award-winning saviour book and she goes back to work having made a months wages with that one client.

In the Asian brothels I have worked at, I have been treated better than in many of the other brothels I have worked at. The working conditions were better. My cut of the service fee was fairer, and I felt like part of a family. Lots of the workers came and went, but that’s because most of the workers I worked with in Adelaide Asian brothels actually lived in other states. They came to Adelaide to do sex work because they wanted to remain discreet. They didn’t want to do sex work in their own small communities in their own home states because of the stigma we all face. But we felt like part of a family. Often the workers would live and work in the brothel for a few weeks at a time before returning home and the coming back every few months. This meant our workplace was also someone’s house so we’d share home cooked meals and intimacies that you share when you spend that much time in someone’s living space. This community was networked and looked after each other.

I have been to parts of Asia and Pacific countries and hung out with sex workers there. When I was in China recently, all the sex workers I met wanted to come to Australia. They asked me so many questions about how they could get here. Many knew someone, who knew someone, who could help them come here for a considerable fee. Many knew people who had decided to take that option and had been happy with their business arrangement. No one knew people who had been tricked into doing sex work in another country. Although some people knew some sex workers who had been mislead about work conditions or contract arrangements, but they weren’t told they were going to be a waitress.

Why would traffickers have to trick someone to come to Australia to work as a sex worker, when I could right now give you the contact details of 20 gorgeous young Chinese sex workers who would pay you money to bring them here to work happily and voluntarily in your brothel? They can even  play a perfect game of submissive sex object if you’re willing to pay.

Why would someone take these risks for an unhappy unwilling worker when other sex workers and our clients will not tolerate it?

It doesn’t ring true to me. It isn’t logical. There is no evidence and I call bullshit.

And it’s more than that. I was reading this great book about the history of sex work in Australia and it talked about in the early 1900’s the media and public concern with the “white slave trade” back then it was all about young white girls accepting overseas domestic jobs with evil European or Japanese villains who would then trick them into prostitution. There was very little evidence of this however and infact it seems there is a lot of evidence of workers of all nationalities migrating for better work conditions, include young white Australian female sex workers. It also tells of how the Salvation Army and many feminists attempted to save sex workers by forcing them to work in laundries in sweatshop like conditions, and had their pays docked to cover lodge and boarding. It’s still the feminists and the salvation army who are trying to raid our workplaces, rescue sex workers and rehabilitate us into a less than suitable job.

That rings true to me.

And it’s more than even that. If people care about us, how come the cops don’t do anything when you tell them your boss is withholding pay or taking unlawful fines or blackmailing you but they jump on the trafficking bandwagon, taking it upon themselves to raid Asian brothels intimidating everyone they find. How come the same feminists who fight to close our workplaces now act like they care about us but don’t listen when we fight for workers rights. How come the church groups that used to be about saving us from our sins now want to force themselves upon asian sex slaves and call themselves an anti trafficking group. And how come adult business groups (big bosses of big legal brothels) are so quick accuse their competition of trafficking, the same brothels they used to accuse of spreading disease. Why don’t any of these people care about trafficking in other industries? And how come I still haven’t met any of these trafficked sex slaves. It’s because these groups have seized the few sad stories they have ‘exposed’ to serve their purpose and further their agenda. Sex workers have been yelling for years about our problems, but no one is interested in sensible boring workers rights and anti discrimination strategies.

Sex workers DO experience exploitation at work. Migrant workers DO have barriers to accessing support and services. Our immigration and our Visa systems DO make Asian sex workers vulnerable. We DO want allies and attention to these issues. We DO need urgent legislation reviews and reforms.

But you’re getting it all wrong. Media hysteria and more cops and reactionary policy and strengthened stereotypes and preconceived ideas and misinformation and salivating over discovered victims and villains and then some more cops. It isn’t helping!

I wont leave this here,  I’ll write more about this very soon, in particular about the real life harms of the sex trafficking rhetoric and what sex workers want to address these issues. Up next in the ‘stop the traffic’ series is ‘the car accident you can’t look away from’ followed by ‘the scenic route’ .

Hey little sister

Tags

brothels, clients, consent, discrimination, escort, friends and family, kink, laws, money, personal stories, safe sex, sex industry, Sex Work, south australia, stigma, the boss, whore shame

One of the problems with anything criminalised and stigmatised is that it can be very difficult to get accurate, up to date, relevant and reliable information about it. Writing this blog has led to a number of people emailing and messaging me asking about getting started in sex work. I want to tell you everything I know, but there are so many variables, and I’d be here all day. So as an introduction I write you this letter. I have already written letters to feminists and to clients, Hey little sister is my shout out to all the wanna be hookers. Here are the 20 things I want you to know.

1. Take the money upfront – It’s probably universal, no matter what sector of the industry you’re in, you ALWAYS get the money first. Even if they’re a regular, take the money up front. The one time you don’t do it will be the one time you learn the lesson.

2. Get in touch with your local sex worker organisation – In South Australia, that’s SIN, or you can find the national list here or there is a massive international list here. They will be able to give you current information about the laws and policing strategies in your area. They also have lots of other information and services you might like to access (now or down the track) so have a chat and find out what they can offer. Usually they are staffed by other current or former sex workers, so you wont get judged and you will get the information you need.

3. If you can, work a few shifts or even a few months in a brothel situation with other workers. It’s like an apprenticeship. You’ll learn lots from hanging out with the other staff between clients. You’ll get tips and tricks about the actual work, particular clients, the industry, good places to work, how to avoid police etc etc. It can also be a good debriefing space if there is no one else in your life that you can talk to about your job.

4. Remember you and your service are the product. If you are working for a boss, keep in mind that they need you more than you need them. If you’re not happy with your workplace there are usually plenty of other options in the sex industry open to you.

5. Don’t try to please all the people all the time. Decide before your first booking or shift what you are willing to do, what you are not willing to do, and what you will do only if they pay extra. If you work for a boss, there will probably be some expectation that you will provide a certain service and sometimes it can be difficult to know exactly what will be expected because the laws prevent candid conversations. Be clear in your own mind about your rules and stick to them. If it turns out your workplace isn’t compatible with your needs, you can usually find one that is. If not, you can always work for yourself, that way you can say when, you can say who, you can say how, and how much! Generally if you work for a brothel, you will be expected to provide massage, oral sex and penetrative sex. You are not required to kiss, let clients go down on you, provide anal services or provide any kind of other fantasy or role play. If you choose to offer those extra services, you may sometimes be able to charge extra. You should also remember that fully inclusive services (full sex) are only one type of service in the industry, there are many ‘full body massage’ places, strip joints etc where you can provide an array of sexual services that do not involve full sex. One of the beauties of sex work is you can really make it work for you.

6. Have a basic routine. You’re providing your client with a service. You do it to them, not have them do to you. You can always vary and adapt your routine but have one developed to fall back on. Don’t just lay on a bed and allow them to poke and prod you. Stay in control, even when you pretend you’re not.

7. Use condoms even for oral sex. Use lots of lube because condoms dry you out. If you’re not good with condoms, practice. Make it part of your routine. Don’t listen to any of the clients excuses about why they can’t or shouldn’t have to use one. Don’t even ask them, just slip it on.

8. Don’t be scared to call the police if you need them in an emergency (and then call your sex worker organisation straight after to help you deal with the cops). If you’re in danger, the police need to help you.

9. If sex work is illegal where you are – admit to nothing ever without first speaking to a lawyer. Knowing what you do and proving it are very different.

10. There are a bunch of safety tips I want to tell you, but I don’t want to give away our secrets so publicly because it will decrease their effectiveness. Again your local sex worker organisation can probably help you with that, or private message me.

11. Don’t believe clients. They will always tell you that such and such is doing more for less. It’s a trick. Don’t drop your prices or do services you’re not comfortable doing trying to keep up with the imaginary services of the sex workers your clients are telling you about.

12. You’re hot, and you will make plenty of $$. It doesn’t matter what you look like, how old you are or what gender you are. Find out what it is about your looks, your personality or your skills…. and work it! Don’t try to be someone you’re not or compete with anyone else. There are so many tastes and so many kinks that I guarantee you are exactly what someone has been looking for. You may need to experiment with different workplaces and ways of working to maximise your marketing spin.

13. Invent a story to go with your name. Clients inevitably want to get to know you. If you’re trying to keep some privacy it can be easy to forget who you told what to. Decide on a basic life story and an answer to the “what’s a nice girl like you doing in a place like this” question, and stick to it.

14. Fake it till you make it. Both confidence and orgasms.

15. Be careful who you tell. Once you come out of the closet it can be very difficult to go back in.

16. Don’t apologise. There is nothing to be ashamed of. Sex work is just work.

17. Take your bosses word with a pinch of salt. They might try to put you off other workplaces or lie to you about taxes. Talk to your colleagues, the other sex workers in the business or elsewhere.

18. Dont think you’re better than any other sex worker. Whether you work for yourself, or for someone else, in a brothel, on the street, or doing escort services, providing full sex or any other kind of sexual service. There are so many ways of doing what we do, and different types of sex work appeal to different people for so many different reasons. We are all in this together.

19. Trust your gut. If a client gives you the creeps, don’t take the booking.

20. Enjoy your money. Spend it, save it, give it away! Whatever! It’s yours, you earned it, and there’s plenty more where that came from.

Dear John

Tags

brothels, clients, consent, disability, discrimination, escort, fantasy, kink, laws, money, rants, safe sex, sex industry, Sex Work, south australia, stigma

Dear John (or peter or paul or whatever name you give me today),

Thankyou for spending your money on me. My service is not cheap and in this day and age, I really appreciate that you probably worked hard for that money. For some, an hour spent with me is the equivalent of two or three full days work. For some, an hour spent with me took 6 months of budgeting, and for some,  my fee is a drop in a vast and impressive ocean, giving me hope of a nice tip or a good regular. Rich or poor, I appreciate every dollar you give me.

I’m not always sure about your expectations or motives for deciding to make a booking and hand over your hard-earned cash, and I am only one woman, there is no way I am able to be all things to all people. But I want you to leave me feeling that it was money well spent. So I write this letter affectionately and honestly to assist you in getting the most out of your  time with me. You may find that some of the suggestions I make also benefit your encounters with other sex workers.

When first making contact with me keep it professional. Only ask the questions that you need to know. Be clear if you are just making enquiries or if you are ready to make a booking. Remember that I get many enquiries and very few of them eventuate into genuine bookings so over the years I have developed a reliable bullshit detector. I learnt it from other whores I have worked and associated with. There really is a collective wisdom being passed around from brothel to the street to escort agencies, massage parlous, beats and bars, from generation to generation. We can spot a wanker (in the literal sense). If your initial enquiries include going into gory details about what you want to do to me, or asking me for more photos, or telling me how big your dick is, or worse – showing me, if you send email after email after email with more and more questions or if you try to bargain with me, I will deem you a wanker. Once deemed a wanker I will either blacklist you, ignore you, give you very limited responses and availability, double book you, or if I do decide to accept your booking, i am likely to treat you with suspicion for the first 15 mins of your time.

If you have specific desires, needs or concerns then please discuss them with me. Try to keep it simple giving only the necessary details. Telling me about your disability, or your kink, or your erectile dysfunction or your curiosities will put you at ease knowing I am then able to tailor the booking to meet your needs. Or recommend you to someone who is able to. If I cannot cater to you for whatever reason please do not take it personally, I am not judging you, I am simply acknowledging that I am not able to provide you the best service for your money.

Be aware that depending on the context I may not be able to discuss things as openly as I would like to. Sex work is illegal in South Australia . If I look anxious and am not forthcoming in answering all your questions there may be very valid reasons why. Please try to read my non verbal cues, or better yet pay me and hope for the best. This situation sucks but it is the reality of our laws here in this state and in many many many other places around the world. If you keep acting like a cop, I will ask you to leave.

Once you pay me there will be plenty of time to talk about all your dirty desires and the size of your penis. You can open up to me about your vulnerabilities in detail and you can ask about extra services available. You can even try your luck in negotiating that barter offer you have in mind. When you put your money where your mouth is, it shows me that you are genuine. It’s only then that I know you’re not a cop, a wanker, or a time waster.

When making a booking be prepared to trust me a little with your personal information. If I’m visiting you, I will obviously need your address. If you’re visiting me it is likely I will want your phone number or email or some other way to contact you in order to confirm the booking. Or to abuse you if you waste my time. If you’re in a hotel I may ask you for your real name so they let me past reception late at night. I know that you are concerned about privacy but we are both vulnerable in that regard. If you want me to trust you enough to visit your home or to give you my address, it’s only fair that you offer me the same trust. I have as much to lose as you do.

If you’re running late or need to cancel, let me know at your earliest convenience. I will appreciate it, even if its last-minute. If you do not show up to a confirmed booking and you do not cancel, I will pursue a cancellation fee. If unsuccessful I will keep your details and share them with other workers to make sure they are aware of the disrespect you showed. It’s not that I hold a grudge, but I need to protect myself. Please understand that I may have to pay rent for the room I booked for your service, or for the hotel room. I may have turned down another booking, or spent half an hour driving to the booking. I may have paid a babysitter or  bought new stockings or paid for a taxi. Preparing to see you takes my time and money, please don’t make appointments unless you are confident you can keep them.

When visiting me, make sure you get the address right and that you arrive at the agreed time.  Dont upset my neighbours by knocking on the wrong door. Dont upset me by knocking on my door at an unexpected time. I may not be there, I may be with another client or it maybe an inappropriate time. If I said we close at midnight, don’t show up 12:15 and bang loudly enough to wake the neighbours dog.

If we’re in a brothel context I do not mind you asking to meet the other workers but do not suggest that it is because I am not good enough. I don’t mind you having a preference but there is no need to be rude. Don’t look me up and down with disdain or make me jump through hoops trying to prove my worth to you. Don’t make the lame joke “you should be paying me”, I will only roll my eyes. I hear that every day from clients with something to prove. Please pay me upfront. Lets get that out of the way so that we can all relax. Please pay my quoted price without any debate.  If you spend the first 5 minutes of our time together displaying arrogant or disrespectful behaviours, I am likely to spend the next 55 minutes of our time giving you a pretty bad service (that’s if I agree to see you at all). When I feel comfortable and confident with you is when you will get value for your money.

Don’t act like you’re better than me or I will be tempted to prove you wrong.

Make sure you are washed and clean, if you need a shower, tell me and I’ll show you where the bathroom is. When washing yourself, pay special attention to your bum, your genitals, your hands and nails. Make sure your dental hygiene is at its best. If you smell bad or have bits of toilet paper hanging from your bum-crack (and a huge percentage of you do) I will ask you to take a shower mid booking. If you have bad breath I will avoid being too close or intimate with you. I will not let you kiss me, and infact i will encourage doggy position only to avoid having you on top of me. If your hands or nails are filthy I may ask you to wear gloves or limit the ways and places that you touch me.

Let me know if you’re enjoying it. You can use your words, your actions or your facial expressions. Telling me it feels nice, responding to me physically, smiling or even a satisfied sigh will make it easier for me to read you making me relax and enjoy the booking a little more. Tell me what you want, nothing shocks me, nothing offends me (at least nothing that involves only consenting adults ). I wont always say yes, but I often will. I am happy to explore your fantasies with you, but if you tell me what they are it will take away the guess-work. You’re paying me by the hour, it’s up to you how long it takes for me to find your secret spots.

I know you might be nervous and that’s ok, sometimes I still get nervous too. But I am a professional, I have done this plenty of times. Try and relax with me and let me take the lead.

Don’t ask me if I’m ‘faking it’ or make comments alluding to your suspicion that it’s all an act on my part. If I am faking it, I am faking it, do you really want me to tell you the truth? Even if I am faking it, I may still be enjoying myself. Asking me to constantly reassure you will only make me feel self conscious and will limit my ability to connect with you.

Dont expect me to bend my rules for you. Not even if you’re my regular. Even if you have reason to believe that I may negotiate, always ask, never presume. If you do something I do not like I will let you know. If you do it again I may decide to end your booking immediately. If I decide to give you a second chance I will finish the service in a very clinical and controlled way focussing on controlling your behaviour rather than providing pleasure. Conversely if you show respect for my boundaries, listen to my verbal and non verbal cues and ask if you are unsure, you will find that I am very open minded.

Respect the need for latex. I know condoms are not always ideal for a whole range of possible excuses you could offer me, but they are all I have. I work hard to make safe sex sexy and if you pay attention you might learn some things. Trust me when I say no to your request for “natural services”. If you persist I will be forced to graphically explain the worst possible unsafe sex scenarios. And that is a bit of a mood killer. Don’t ask me if I’m clean or tell me that you are, just use a condom. And while on the subject, if during the service i notice something that could be a symptom of a sexually transmitted infection, don’t get upset when I point it out. Most STI’s are fixed with a trip to the doctor, and others can be managed. You might be right when you try and explain it away, it might just be skin tags and not warts but I might not be in a position to take the risk. I will not kick you out, but I will have to provide a different safer service. Please know that my level of care to ensure our sex is safe will mean that you can have a guilt free hour with me.

If you’re going to drink, take drugs or masturbate before our booking, do not blame me if you can’t get an erection or achieve an orgasm. In fact, don’t blame me for that no matter what the reasons are. Same goes if you cum to quickly. I do my best to time our sessions perfectly, but you well know that there are things beyond my control that affect your sexual function. Dont be embarrassed by it, you’re certainly not alone. When you’re with me there is no pressure or expectation, your sexual performance is only of concern to you. You payed me and I want to make sure you don’t regret it, so if you experience problems in any of these areas due to drugs or alcohol, prescription medication, physical reasons, emotional reasons or anything else, I will be happy to spend the session trying, playing, pampering, massaging, or whatever we negotiate. But please don’t expect me to perform miracles or give refunds

Be respectful of my time and the time you payed for. Remember you payed for a service, not just the sex. If you need a shower at the end or take a long time to dress or you want to sit and have a chat, make sure you allow for that in your booking time. Dont try to delay having an orgasm until the last 5 mins and then expect me to go overtime when it doesn’t happen straight away. Understand that i may have other appointments, i may be paying for the room by the hour, I might have to answer to a boss, I might have kids to pick up from school or I might have to get to the bank before it closes. As intense as the session may have felt, if the time is up, the time is up. It’s not personal, but I am a busy woman. If you need longer we may be able to negotiate extending the booking, feel free to make me an offer.

If I gave you a good service, tip me. Or at the very least – tell me.

Be discreet, if you see me on the street, don’t approach me, understand that just as you may have reasons why you don’t tell everyone that you book sex workers, I have reasons for not telling everyone about my work. If you attempt to approach me in any way outside of the sex industry you will not be happy with the response you get from me. On the other hand, please keep looking for my adds and follow me from business to business as I try out different workplaces over the years, we can grow old together.

I look forward to your next booking

Lots of love, respect and gratitude,

Jane (or whatever name I have given you today)

The Main Course

Tags

brothels, clients, consent, discrimination, laws, mandatory testing, Melbourne, personal stories, safe sex, sex industry, stigma, the boss, Victoria

After the raid at Karma Therapy I felt lucky. I had gotten away without being arrested or even charged, but it was the second one I had been through. The first one had left me with a criminal conviction that stays on my permanent police record and I didn’t want to know what would happen if I was caught in a third raid. So I began to think about other options.

I had heard that there were legal brothels in other states and I had met sex workers who had gone to Melbourne and made decent money. I was single and without responsibilities at the time and so after chatting with my friend we decided to travel to Melbourne for a working holiday. This was before everyone had the internet, and the only way to get information was to get our hands on a Victorian Yellow Pages and “let our fingers do the walking”.

Choosing a brothel in Melbourne to work at was as simple as calling up the first couple of ads that appealed to us for whatever reason and making some enquiries. We settled on the the place that seemed the most welcoming and didnt make us jump through too many hoops. That was “The Main Course”.

I just looked it up online, it still exists, but looks a lot classier than it was back then. Maybe I should have changed the name but I chose not to because, well, you can’t make up more a amusing name than “The Main Course”, but my recount about my time(s) there is from 15 years ago, so please, don’t take this post as some kind of “review” or description of the current establishment in any way..

And wow. It was an eye opener for me. It was the first time since I began in the sex industry, that I was working in a place that looked like what I had always pictured a brothel to look like. It was an old terrace house, with about 4 levels and 10 work rooms. All the work rooms had built in showers showers and buzzers and other brothelly conveniences. We had a staff dressing room and our own lounge and bathroom and there were cupboards and cupboards and cupboards and cupboards of clean fluffy towels everywhere. On a busy Saturday night I would be on shift with up to 20 other workers. It was a change compared to what I was used to, which was very small discreet settings with only two of us on shift. I have this vivid memory of the main course where I was leaning into the long mirror, the kind of mirror with stage lights all around, I was fixing my makeup along with a bunch of other women in various states of undress and lingerie, there were racks and racks of costumes and fetish wear behind me, and I could see into the lounge where there were even more women reading, knitting, passed out, eating, gossiping, and I just wished I had a camera. Well I wished I had a camera and was allowed to use it. I knew this image belonged in my future book. It’s ingrained in my memory as one of those… picture memories that signify a whole section of your life. It was so….. surreal.

I was young, shy, baby-faced, fairly innocent and good girl looking and here I was amongst these seasoned, sexy, confident, experienced women. It took me a while to settle in.

On our first night management  showed us around, told us the prices and introduced us to the other workers. We had to show our ID, which we weren’t used to (being from illegal Adelaide) and that made us a little nervous, but we quickly got over it.  As soon as the manager left us alone, the other workers grabbed us and starting whispering to us: “They say its $120 for half an hour but its $150 for half an hour, we all charge $30 more than management say, and we keep the extra money, we all do it, the clients expect it, and if you don’t do it, your undercutting us and then there will be issues”

(haha I notice according to the website that price hasn’t gone up in 15 years)

“but what if the client says he was quoted a lower price on the phone, wont we get in trouble?”

“No, if they demand the cheaper price, then just accept it, but give them a shit service, we all do it, you wont get into trouble”

“So I get my half of $120 plus the extra $30, sounds fine to me!”

And that was our orientation to our new workplace. But our initiation was yet to come. In Victoria, brothels are legal and licensed and one of the laws is that sex workers have to get tested for sexually transmitted infections regularly. I think it was fortnightly back then. As we had just arrived from Adelaide and come straight into work without our ‘pink slip’ (the medical certificate), our boss had been so kind as to book in a nurse to come to the brothel to do our tests. Now even back then, I could see the ridiculousness of this. For a start, it would be weeks before I got the results,  by which time I would be back in Adelaide, so what was the point? Secondly, things like HIV take 3 months to show up in your blood, so really it  was only going to tell them an accurate result for 3 months ago, if I had contracted something yesterday, it wouldn’t show up until 3 months time. And also, I use condoms all the time, so whats the issue?  And I got tested regularly by myself back home, I knew i didn’t need to get tested, I hadn’t broken any condoms, I hadn’t taken any risks. But, we went along with it because we wanted to work.

The nurse took me into one of the workrooms, got the bright light out, had me strip off below the waist (no discreet little privacy sheets or towels for a whore) and I layed on one of the brothel beds. Once in position she began poking and prodding me and shoving things into me.  It was awful, I mean, pap smears are kind of invasive at the best of times, but in this context? almost under duress? it was very undignified. But the worst bit was when she explained she was about to do an anal swab! I protested! Why did she need to do an anal swab? I don’t do anal sex. I don’t allow my clients or anyone in my personal life to go near my bum. But she insisted. I cried. The sensation of the swab being pushed into places where I didn’t want it. It was…….. confronting, and pointless, and when I think about it all these years later, it makes me angry. A whore’s holes are NOT public property!

I felt stupid for getting upset about this invasion of my body, but it didn’t detract from my desire to make money. I was lucky to have my friend with me who made me feel justified in my emotional reaction. But in the end I just wanted to get on with my job.  I mean, I HAD to make money now, I’d just had a nurse unconsensually shove objects into my anus so that i could have permission to make money. And so a money-making we did go.

Intro’s at The Main Course were a whole new thing again. I was used to us workers meeting the clients one at a time, having them tell the receptionist which worker they chose and then taking them to the room and beginning the service. And anyone who did the math earlier might have realised 10 work rooms and 20 workers on shift could occasionally present problems.

For a start, it was competitive. Very. And I’ve never been good at competitions. How could a quiet, innocent looking me  in my cute little office attire and full brief undies compete with these sexy g-string clad vixens with a skill for dirty talk? And then when a client did choose me, how do I hang on to them since usually we would have to wait for a room to become available, and in the  meantime every other worker in the place would walk past with her bedroom eyes and wandering hands and before you know it, my client would abandon me for them.

I spent the first night working hard and not making a lot of money. I watched the other workers, i tried to be like them, I was pashing clients before I even got a room just trying to keep them. I couldn’t compete. I gave up. But by the end of the first night I had figured it out. I didn’t need to compete. I had my own thing. All that stuff I was trying to play down, I needed to play it up. “I’m shy, innocent and the good girl next door, no I can’t dirty talk, but pick me, im super sweet.” And it worked. I had found my niche, and I liked it. Much easier than trying too hard to be something so far from what felt comfortable.

The main course had a good deal going for the workers that on the 10th job, you got to keep all the money. I hit that target plenty in my first week there. $1000 a night was a good night at the main course. Who can argue with that?

Sex as a service

Tags

clients, consent, disability, discrimination, feminism, friends and family, personal stories, rants, Relationships, sex industry, Sex Work, sexuality, south australia, stigma, virgin

I have been participating around the blogosphere in ‘debates’ where I find myself constantly having to justify my job as a valuable service and needing to fight against the suggestion that I am an exploited victim (with the perpetrator being the employers or clients).  In a way I hope that anyone following my blog for any period of time will be able to come to their own (possibly more informed) conclusions.

Recently I wrote about a client of mine who had autism, and it led to some discussion about providing sexual services  to clients who have disabilities, which led to again more questions about the ethics of my work. As I already vented about, it was suggested that people with disabilities might be exploited victims (with the perpetrator being families and sex workers). Again with the notions of victims and exploitation.  More inaccurate judgements and discriminatory assumptions.

Let me challenge a few of those assumptions for you.

Many many sex workers, including me, have got experience or training as carers, nurses and support workers in the disability and aged sector. I worked as a carer in my early 20’s both in disability and aged care, in one of my guilt induced, partner enforced ‘retirement’ from the sex industry. Frankly, dealing with naked body’s and natural bodily functions and things that other people find icky, and doing it all while trying to provide a little human care…. it’s not that far of a stretch from sex work. Except – one has way better pay and conditions (but I’ll do a post about that another time)

Anyway, many of us have a caring and compassionate streak, and enjoy those occasions when our work allows us to share with someone something special. For example, a young man with Autism wants to lose his virginity at  age 30, or an old widowed man hasn’t been touched in a gentle caring way for years and wants a sensual massage. Or like my first overnight booking, with a man who was lacking in social skills and confidence and just wanted to wake up next to a woman for the first time in his life. I know a sex worker in her 60’s who only sees clients above 50, and specialises in nursing home visits.

Some of us enjoy this part of our work so much that we specialise in that area of sex work, like the amazing Rachel http://www.scarletroad.com.au/trailer/ some of us attend training like the training done by touching base, and some of us provide discounts. We are service professionals, we know our job, we train, we network, we bring experience.

Not all of our clients are men. Especially amongst our clients who have disabilities. Women with disabilities often express sexual desires and strategies to meet those desires. It is true however,  that care agencies and institutions often overlook women as sexual beings so there are more barriers to women accessing a sex worker than for men. But there are still plenty of female clients. A male sex worker I know once had a woman contact him after seeing him on a list of disability trained sex workers. She didn’t have a disability, but she did feel vulnerable. She had been abused in her youth and had stayed celibate until her 40’s. She was calling my friend, not because she couldn’t get sex, but because she wanted safe, controlled, fully negotiated, consensual sex with firm boundaries and it needed to be with someone who was understanding, caring, compassionate, gentle AND sensual. She got that and she ended up seeing him a couple of times that year, each time becoming more confident.

And sex workers don’t always do sex. When working in my straight disability support job I heard a story about a sex worker being hired to teach a young man how to masturbate. He had been behaving inappropriately in a group home setting, pulling out his penis in public, and rubbing it literally red raw at night. After consultation with parents and doctors, a sex worker was hired to spend an hour in his bedroom with some lube and a picture magazine, showing him carefully and talking to him openly about where and when. It worked a miracle. Who else would or could do that job?

And our clients arent always lonely. Whilst doing my annual disability friendly sex work training, I heard another beautiful story about a married man and woman. Both with profound physical disabilities. They wanted to have sex. They needed someone to help them, to put them into position, and physically assist them.  Who else will do that?

Now I wont deny that most of my clients are able-bodied men on their lunch breaks, looking for uninspired back rubs, blow jobs and a simple release. But that is not all our job is about. Even if you can’t see the service in sex, you can’t deny the value many sex workers provide for many clients that do not fit into your preconceived ideas.

Sex work is real work. Stick around, hopefully I’l convince you by the end.. (of my life)

Consent to this!

Tags

clients, consent, disability, false consciousness, feminism, rants, Sex Work, stigma

Another big reminder as to why i stay anonymous. As to why, if we met at a party, i aint going to tell you the truth about my employment. Not only does the South Australian law make me a criminal, sex negative religion and cultures make me immoral, but now, feminists and do gooders make me a victim.

There are some who would like to have ME believe that i am not actually choosing to do sex work. That i am not able to give meaningful consent, that all my clients are raping me. No matter how i protest and beg to be believed and listened to, my experiences are denied, twisted and used against me and my work. Men become the enemy, my clients who are mostly men, are paying to rape me, and i am too damaged to understand this.

Bullshit.

In an attempt to try to challenge this steriotype of men as my abusers and me as a victim, i posted a story about one of my clients who had a disability. Often my work with clients who have a disability is understood as a community service, and it is in this context that the letters to the editor change and we are offered respect for the work that we do. But not this time. Now obviously, i am raping my client. It seems impossible for sex work to happen without someone raping someone else. It seems impossible to believe that meaningful consent is possible when it comes to sex, or money, or both combined.

I should have known better than to think i could alter people’s strongly held believe systems that sex is bad mmkay. So im not sure why i am bothering to write this now, but i need to get it off my chest, so please, indulge me.

These people believe that there is no way i am able to give real consent to do sex work due to outside structures. So since i live and have always lived in a patriarchal world, it is impossible for me to have any real choice about participating or promoting this system, or i am too stupid to have any critical analysis and so cannot see my actions for what they are. Or some bullshit.

Or that because i do it for economical reasons, that isn’t really a choice, because i wouldnt do it if it werent for the money. And even if I say i have other choices about how to make money, but i choose sex work for the extra money, for the flexibility and autonomy, they say, its not real choice because there isnt enough choices for me that are high paying or flexible, and if there was maybe i wouldnt do sex work. I call this crystal ball thinking… and i dont understand the point? Yeh if I won the lottery maybe I’d spend my time blogging and writing and bringing up happy healthy children and walking my dog near the ocean, instead of going to work. But, um, just because that’s not in my list of possible choices right now, doesn’t make my current decisions or my consent to sex any less valid and meaningful!

And now my clients who i can clearly demonstrate are not abusing me, are being abused by me! So now women and people with disabilities and people who havent won the lottery are not able to consent.

So it makes me wonder, what in the eyes of the anti sex brigade, what IS the magical formula for meaningful consent to sex? What are the required characteristics? Im guessing, it can never include a paid transaction.

Let me be clear. I consent. My consent is as meaningful as your consent to have sex with anyone ever. I am not the only one who’s decisions and choices are influenced by the society i live in. All of our decisions are effected by the context of our world. Obviously. My choices are not less valid than yours just because i choose to get paid for sex and you dont.

You are right, I am not independently wealthy, and I am a women in a man’s world. But I still have the ability to say yes, and mean it. And just because I believe in my right to say yes does NOT mean I don’t still demand the right to say no! Two words yes and no, watch me use them! That’s right, I am woman, hear me roar!

And my clients consent. Meaningful, informed, considered, purposeful, premeditated and continuous consent. Even those clients who have a disability. They do not loose their ability to consent just because they have a disability. There maybe extra considerations to take into account, but they are still able to consent to sex. They still have the RIGHT to consent to sex. They still have the right to make decisions about their body! (Although sadly not a right that is always afforded to many patholigised, institutionalised or marginalised.)

Not only do both my client and I consent to sex, but i believe that the sex i have in my sex work service is the MOST consensual sex i have ever had. It is so heavily negotiated with explicit boundaries discussed upfront in minute detail.

I do not just find myself falling into bed with my clients after a few drinks or a few dates when one of us guesses the time is right. We do not just ‘go with the flow’ with nothing spoken. I do not dutifully agree to my husband climbing on top of me and having his fun for no other reason that its the expectation. No.

In my service both I, and my client have discussed, negotiated and consented to:

1. Where and when we will have sex

2. How long the sex will go for

3. How much money it will cost either of us

4. What sort of protection is used

5. What either of us is not comfortable or prepared to do during sex

I do not think i have discussed sex and my expectations of sex, and my boundaries and needs from sex so openly with any potential sexual partner in my personal life.

Yet somehow, people are way more comfortable with me picking up in the pub and falling into bed that night with no discussion.

Or marrying some dude that just does missionary and finishes in 5 minutes once a week.

That is meaningful consent, apparently, but money = rape.

Bullshit!